Advice to Hares

Hashing should not be confused with r*nning.

R*nning is for those arse’oles whose brains are in their feet.

Hashing is for those discerning folk, who want a bit of exercise on the trail, enjoy social intercourse at the check and relax after, consuming plenty of piss.

A good trail is where front r*nning bastards (FRBs) are able to work up a sweat, the short cutting bastards (SCBs) have the opportunity to ply their skills and the pack gets together at every check.

A poor trail is where the (FRBs) and the knitting circle never meet.

What every hare should know: –

In keeping with the original intentions of the hash there are no rules as such. However the following are necessary as a guide or code which accommodates an accent on social, healthy exercise, whilst discouraging any sense of athletics or competitiveness.

When taking on the responsibilities of being a hare, and make no mistake, it is, you should recce your proposed trail at least twice before laying it. One of those times should be about the time of day which the r*n is to take place. This is particularly important when r*nning in the dark as we do in the wintertime in Bahrain.

The trail should last about an hour, which is between 6 and 9 kilometres depending on the type of terrain. As a rough guide, if it takes two hours for the hare to walk it, then it should take an hour for the average hound to r*n it. An ideal trail keep everyone together for most of the r*n and has the whole pack back for the piss within fifteen minutes of each other. In summertime the trail should be shorter and should include a water stop.

Each trail should have a bit of everything, a little shiggy, open country, ditches, under-growth and level paths. There should never be less than four checks, but why not have six or more. From the last check try to have a good long loop for the FRBs to be able to stretch their legs; some of these macho-bastards like to show a bit of competitiveness. A shorter route should be provided for the rest of the pack.

Now to the actual laying of the trail: –

The start should have a loop around the car park to accommodate those lazy wanchors who are late in turning up. The directions of the trail should be clearly marked and uncomplicated for the first kilometre, at which point should be your first check. This check should be a good one with lots of falsies to hold the pack for as long as possible to enable those latecomers to catch up. We’re being very obliging aren’t we?

Remember that your checks are designed to hold the pack until everyone is together before starting off on the next leg. In order to achieve this you can lay several false trails to keep those FRBs active, developing a healthy body odour and not have them standing around on the check scratching theirs, or anyone else’s arse.

When marking the trail, flour marks should be at not more than 25 metre intervals if going in a straight line. This should be adhered to as closely as possible in order that the hounds can be certain that they are not on trail when after a very short time they can see no flour. It is quite legitimate but ill advised to make a sudden turn without indicating such. Unfortunately a lot of the FRBs are the offspring of lemmings and simply r*n following the glutaeus maximus of the harriet ahead of them and regard following flour an unnecessary hindrance. It helps therefore to have one of the hares near the head of the pack to rein in these bastards and teach them some manners.

From the check the trail marking should start at about 100 metres. Any false trail should be closer and more obvious to lead the FRBs astray and achieve the object of the check; bringing the pack together. If your trail has turned the pack into a narrow long straight path where the FRBs r*n on far ahead, then try to loop the trail back towards the way you have come so that the SCBs can cut across and the pack can merge. The knitting circle has no difficulty in finding the pack providing you give it the opportunity of doing so; they are all SCBs.

Another way to bring the back-markers back into the pack is to take the trail out from the check the same general direction as the trail coming into the check. This will mop up the back markers and bring them back into the fold. In open country do not have the trail very long and straight, which gets the FRBs too far ahead of the rest of the pack which get disillusioned and gives up. Lay the trail with lots of loops and perhaps add an extra check.

Done worry about avoiding shiggy wherever we can. We do not have to finish the hash with clean feet, clean crotches or clean anything. During a trail recce if you see a muddy ditch or a smelly dead cow, take the trail through it. On no account should the trail pass through or very near a village. Keep well clear of burial areas and use cultivated areas with care.

The ideal number to hare a trail is three, a front r*nner, a guide in the middle and a sweeper at the back of the pack. However there is nothing wrong in having more hares. The trail should never be set by FRBs only. With their brains in their feet they confuse r*nning with hashing and never having been in the general pack have no idea what happens back there.

The trail should be set using flour, but some hares prefer chalk or lime. Paint should never be used. A check is a circle with a dot and a falsie is three lines or a YBF (you been f*cked).

Flour is the normal medium for indicating the trail, but alternatives have been used – chalk, lime, shredded paper even drinking straws have seen – spray paint is frowned upon – especially on permanent objects – sand, stone and debris is ok-ish.

It can be bought in 50kg bags which is more than enough – from Central Market or some supermarkets – price 2011 – BD5. Go for the Grade ‘0’ with the yellow stripe – which is the whitest, unless you are a cheap skate – the grade 1 (green stripe) is bit less cost, and whiteness!

Obviously this is too heavy to lug around so splitting into about 5 or more carrier bags is suggested – your friendly supermarket might even do this for you if you ask nicely and show some leg ( – Harriettes). Dump the bags at checks or other suitable points and get laying!

A check is a circle with two dots and a falsie is a circle with three dots.

Contact the mismanagement; they’re not just (or even) pretty faces: –

Make sure that you review the area of your trail with Hare Raiser. He may be able to advise you about any difficulties or limitations with your chosen site. Inform Scribe of the directions to get to the car park at least two weeks before the r*n.